I’ve really struggled with deciding whether or not to freeze my eggs. There is a chance, how good I don’t know, that the chemotherapy pills I’m about to start taking will damage my eggs and my ability to become pregnant in the future. So I met with an IVF specialist out at Monash last week. He was lovely and helpful, though I did feel a little rushed. I had two dilemmas: firstly, I feel like my body has been through so much in the last few months with brain surgery and then the 30 sessions of radiotherapy. When the specialist told me I’d need to inject myself every day for a couple of weeks and then go under a general to have the eggs removed, intuitively it felt like too much. I think my focus right now needs to be on becoming as healthy as I can and staying that way for as long as I can. If I throw freezing my eggs into the mix, I’m worried it could compromise that.
And the second dilemma is this. I’ve been told that my cancer is terminal. I can shrink it right down and live for years, even decades more. But as medical science stands at the moment, my cancer won’t ever go into remission (I still like to think that could change in the future … have to stay positive). But is it right to bring a child into this world considering all this? I’m 36 years-old and losing my mum 4 years ago was the most painful thing I have ever gone through. There were many aspects to her passing that probably made the situation harder to deal with, but even so I figure if I struggled so much losing mum at that age, how would a teenager or someone even younger handle it? The specialist told me I’d be giving the gift of life and that’s the greatest gift of all. But I just can’t get my thinking to follow that same path.
So I’ve decided not to freeze my eggs and leave it up to fate. It feels like the right thing to do.